when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
