there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
