A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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