You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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