Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
