R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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