take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Randomize
