What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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