Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
