Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
