Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
