What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
