We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
