You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize