She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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