I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
