Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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