...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
