He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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