Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
