Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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