That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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