Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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