Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
false alarm, still single
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
