Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize