I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
