please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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