idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
