i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
