No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
