I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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