Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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