I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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