YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
