whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
