i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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