Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
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I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
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Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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