New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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