does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
