How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
