Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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