i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
