My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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