I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
