i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
