Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
