My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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