I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
