Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
