Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
