from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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