i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
