I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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