I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
