Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize