I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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