I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
