I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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