ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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