I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
