we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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