Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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