Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
