Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
