Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
