she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
