I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
