I wish I could teleport
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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