Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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