This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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