Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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