I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
