I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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