honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
