Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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