O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
