I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
