he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
