nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
