babies were throwing up all over the place
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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