i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
