So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
