Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
how drunk are you?
Several
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
