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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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