I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
