we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
