I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
