My brain says no but my pants say off.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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