I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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