Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
