Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we're making bets on your personal life
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
