i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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